Tuesday 24 February 2015

a trip home but with a twist this time..

Trips to india over the last few years have been very predictable (atleast for me). Visits to parents, meet up old friends (which is also is a bit rare for me now), shopping (routine visits to my favorite hot spots). But strangely the trip I made this month was exhilarating. My brief 4-day visit to Bangalore and the 4 day retreat to Kerala showed me 2 different spectrum's of India. An India that has leaped ahead many years from where I had left it more than a decade ago... 

Bangalore: Apart from my usual stops at my haunts (MTR for breakfast, Fab India, Anokhi, etc etc), I had to meet a new set of people- the team of Polka Cafe. I have been working closely with this 'young' team for the last 3 months now, writing for them out of Singapore. I haven't had a 'work-related' meeting in India for more than 7-8 years now. So honestly I was a bit nervous and excited to meet these guys, who had become more of email buddies by now. A 20-minute meeting lasted more than an hour. An eye-opener for me in a lot of ways. How things have moved (ahead) in the workspace, the style of working (especially the world I belonged to-PR and media), the robust explosion of the online space, the emergence of the 'blogging' medium with some of the writers being very young and very very good! When I walked out of that room, I felt like that 'overseas Indian', who I probably used to laugh at many years ago for not being up to date on India. 

Kerala- The 3-days spent at the backwaters (Alleppey), took me to another spectrum of India. It felt like our stay was a perfect package of serenity, calmness, quietness and warmth. For the kids, they learnt to 'just be happy'. Be it playing table tennis, a few jumps on the trampoline, an elephant ride, evenings spent by the swing in the resort, each moment and activity were ways of bonding as a family. 

The full-day spent on the house-boat was the perfect time to sit back, reflect and not stress. For my 7-year old, to see the village life in the backwaters (as you ride on the house boat), was an eye opener. Open schools, kids playing by the riverside, women cooking, each of these threw up questions. At every stage, we would ask her to compare it to her situation! Of course she never had answers most of the times! At the end of the trip, I was pretty sure that they are not wrong in calling Kerala 'God's own country'. 

A close friend often uses the term 'controlled exposure', and this trip was truly that for the kids and in some ways for me too (work wise). It was more about seeing the 'real India', the hardships and the warmth it offers. The waiters knowing who drinks filter coffee, and who prefers masala chai every morning, the chef taking my daughter for a tour of their kitchen, the house-boat staff ensuring the girls had their favorite 'dal chawal' on board, each act made us feel special!

I saw a 'fast India' and a 'slow paced' one together on this trip. I am back with some lessons learnt and hopefully with a few answers for my 7-year old!




Wednesday 11 February 2015

and to another new (lunar) year start ...


5:45am!!
Wednesday (Feb 11)- An early morning run after any (big) run feels like a fresh start for me! My 12km run over the weekend was probably my most challenging run! But like always, it was mostly a 'mind game' and that got me to the finish line. Everyone's question to me was- so 21km next?    12 km to 21km seems like a big jump but to think of it, last year at this time I ran my 1st 5km! So it just maybe a question of me making up my mind and doing it. Inshallah!

Saturday (Feb 7)- Come to think of it, I almost didn't run this 12km run. Last week seemed like the most 'out of control' week for me. Commitments at my elder one's school, the younger one home (being sick)- which obviously made my training close to impossible. But on the morning of the run, suddenly there was a calmness! It felt like even God wanted me to get to that run! And it was all suddenly under control. Like I was always meant to be there! 

Tuesday (Feb 10)- I had an interesting conversation with a friend yesterday. We talked about how tough it is to make new friends after an age! And it's very rare that it fits well for all (husbands, wives, kids..). Having lived away from home for close to 17-18 years now, my friends (the very few I made wherever I stayed), have become family for me over the years (and not all of them are my spouses' friends too)! I have time and again depended on them for 'emotional support' and never looked at them as just friends! I can also count them on my fingers after all these years!!! Even today, I have my  'whatsapp' groups with my close friends (school, college, ex-work, Dubai and now Singapore). Even in Singapore, I made friends at different junctures- playground, bus stop gang, gym gang, yoga gang, my inner gang who are my 'punching bags' for anything, kids school mum's. Though the list is big, the number of friends are handful! My mum always complained (when I was a kid and sometimes even now), that I would go to any length for my friends (sometimes more than I do for family)!! But that's me!!

Wednesday (Feb 11)- And as I pack my bags for my CNY (Chinese New Year) break, there is a strange excitement. It's a short break back home, but with a purpose. This trip is dedicated to the grandparents and the grand kids. The kids will witness the 50th anniversary of their paternal grand parents. Even for me this is a first! It took me a while to explain to my 7-year old that this is 'damn special'. Of course the 2-year old was attentively listening and adding her bit too!

And on that note, Gong Xi Fa Cai and hopefully a good start to another lunar year!




Monday 2 February 2015

a need vs want!

Friday: The other day after our game of badminton, my friend and I had an interesting chat. It started with how different the upbringing of kids these days is vis a vis our days. It was more to do with how unfair we are sometimes in our approach. At one end, we are trying to meet all our wants and on the other hand, we expect our kids to understand and value the basic needs of life! Confused??? 

As kids most of us (atleast me and most of my friends) never really got to go on 'big' holidays (as we just couldn't afford it) and so by default our upbringing was a bit grounded. We never had to be told the 'value' of things- from an expensive pencil box or maybe an elite education. 

But today as adults we are probably making up for that loss. We crave and look forward to our exotic holidays, the best for ourselves in lives, the best education for our kids. But on the other hand we expect the kids to be balanced and grounded. The optimist in me is ever hopeful! Will my kids able to differentiate between the 'wants and needs'? Or they don't really need to? Only time will tell what's right for this generation.

Bringing up my kids here in Singapore, also at times makes me feel that they are away from a lot of harsh realities. They hardly get to see the economic disparity which could be a good starting point. Do they get it when I say "I can't afford this".

I feel the closest they see to a struggle is the life of their 'helper' (their 'aunty')- that's the common word we use for our in house maids. Their lives back in their countries is close to miserable and forget education, even food is sometimes a luxury. Every penny they earn goes into improving the lives of their entire family (including siblings).  

I have always (tried to) use this as a reference point with the kids. These helpers live with u and they become a part of your family as years go by. You hope that by the time their term ends, just as they have made a difference to your life, you too have value added to their life in some way! Will the kids be able to see this? Not sure!


The Sunday Life- 1/2/2015
Sunday: A moving article in The Sunday Life. A topic very dear to me and probably most of us away from our parents. Thankfully the article was very positive, and profiled grandparents who have actually moved on with times, got tech savvy (for the sake of staying in touch with their grand kids), have moved temporarily beyond their comfort zone and lived with their kids overseas (and made their life easier!). A lot of times we worry that parents may not have a life if we uproute them, but this article beautifully captures the feelings of aged  parents who have said " They were thrilled to be a part of their grand kids' life, and enjoy the last few years of their lives by just being there". Hhhmm, easier said than done? These are very big steps for them, but like they say, both parties have to take the baby steps or else life will stagnate! The support system's got to work both ways!

And on that note, I shall start another week, but this time (mentally) preparing myself for my 'longest' run (Zoo Run 2015- a 12km on Saturday). Same time last year, I ran my first 5km! Inshallah, even this day shall pass...